Spice World (1997)

When I was ten years I had the biggest crush on the Spice Girls. I had their album and listened to it all the time with my mom and stepsister. I no longer have this stepsister, my Mom and Bruce got divorced and we moved away. I haven’t seen her since. Want to hear a weird story? One time when her and I were driving around with my Mom, we asked her, “Is it OK for step sibling to get married?” I don’t remember her exact response, but it was something encouraging. I am pretty sure that my stepsister was my first crush. Nothing ever happened… you know…. that involved us playing doctor or something like that, but we were quite fond of each other. I think this taboo romance all began with our mutual affection for Spice Girls. I had never seen the SPICE WORLD movie, but I am so glad that I did. It’s easily one of my favorite movies.

One of my favorite genres is: movies that have bands playing pivotal roles in the story. That is kind of a long name for a genre, but these films include, A HARD DAY’S NIGHT, ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, and now SPICE WORLD!

One of the things that I like so much about SPICE WORLD is how bad the jokes are. A lot of them fall flat, but there is a lot of build up to them. One of the most memorable is when there is a dream sequence showing what the Spice Girls would be like if there were mothers. It went on forever and nothing was particularly funny about it. I just like the idea of all the spice girls showing up to some set, putting on outrageous costumes and trying their very hardest to be funny. It seems like the girls are having a really good time throughout their cinematic adventure, which makes me have a good time too.

There are a lot of really cool cameos in the movie as well. Uhhh….Elton John….. Meat Loaf… Elvis Costello… Roger Moore… what else could you ask for? Roger Moore plays the mysterious “chief” who the Spice Girls manager answers to. He has one of the best lines I have ever heard in any movie.

CHIEF: When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the hook of darkness. Whether they’re clean or not.

Does dialogue get any better than this? Sorry David Mamet, but you aint shit. One of my favorite performances is by Mark McKinney (KIDS IN THE HALL) who plays a screenwriter who wants to make a Spice Girls movie. He has all these amazing monologues about possible plot lines for a Spice Girls movie. They have to be improvised. They are just too funny. Those monologues and lines from Roger Moore are so much funnier than anything else going on in the film. It can’t be written by the same writer.

SPICE WORLD is instantly better than a lot of movies because it was made in Britain. It’s technically a foreign film. Yes, that’s right. I am a cultured film viewer who just watched a foreign film about the pressures of success and the importance of girl power.

One of the best sequences in the movie involves the Spice Girls doing a photo shoot. At one point, they all dress up like each other and do impersonations of one another. Those Spice Girls are great because they have the ability to laugh at themselves. This makes me laugh as well.

The Spice Girls were so popular; what happened to them? I just checked their official website and apparently they did one final show in 2008 and no longer tour or record. Now, all we have is a goodbye letter posted up on their website. I wish I could have seen Geri, Mel C, Mel B, Emma and Victoria in their prime, but now I never will. All I can do is watch SPICE WORLD, but dammit, that’s good enough for me.

I don’t know why SPICE WORLD has a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes. I could watch this over and over and over. Mark McKinney’s ending monologue about how he wants to end the Spice Girls movie is absolutely brilliant.

It also has men dancing around in purple thongs. Purple is like, totally, my favorite color.